Ovary Peer-Pressure
This past weekend at a friend's BBQ, I felt like my ovaries were being prodded by everyone and their grandmother. Jesus, Mary, and also Joseph, with the children. I am fully aware that my nauseatingly cliche "biological clock" is ticking. I am several months into my 30th (31st, actually, if I am being technical) year and, folks, I ain't gettin' any younger.
And that's what's funny to me. I still see myself as young. I don't feel 30! I don't feel like I have only 5 more viable "child-bearing" years. But that is reality. I am not immune to the inevitable "change of life" (to use another played-out cliche. I am all about cliche's today. Anyway, so yeah). This supposed "urge" to have babies is just not there. Maybe I feel a LITTLE bit of it. Or maybe that's just gas...
The only good reason I can muster for my (il)logical brain is that if I don't do it soon, I will no longer HAVE the choice. So, 7 or 8 years from now I may be in full-blown baby crazy, find myself royally screwed and in the depths of fertility treatment shit, which is never fun and hardly guaranteed. But is this truly a good reason to have kids? I mean, really?
When I think about it though, back in the day, when birth control was less widely available and used, those not bitten by the baby bug were often "blessed" [dripping with sarcasm] with "accidents" and then ended up happy as clams with being parents. Perhaps it is just my fear of the unknown that is causing my veritable aversion to producing offspring. I don't know. It just seems like one huge Risk. A living, breathing Risk that pees and poops and cries, and yes is also cute. But is something new to worry about, because, I am like my dog, Nikki, who worries a bone like nobody's business.
All I know for sure is that 31 is just around the corner, and I can see 40 in the distance. Yuck.
And that's what's funny to me. I still see myself as young. I don't feel 30! I don't feel like I have only 5 more viable "child-bearing" years. But that is reality. I am not immune to the inevitable "change of life" (to use another played-out cliche. I am all about cliche's today. Anyway, so yeah). This supposed "urge" to have babies is just not there. Maybe I feel a LITTLE bit of it. Or maybe that's just gas...
The only good reason I can muster for my (il)logical brain is that if I don't do it soon, I will no longer HAVE the choice. So, 7 or 8 years from now I may be in full-blown baby crazy, find myself royally screwed and in the depths of fertility treatment shit, which is never fun and hardly guaranteed. But is this truly a good reason to have kids? I mean, really?
When I think about it though, back in the day, when birth control was less widely available and used, those not bitten by the baby bug were often "blessed" [dripping with sarcasm] with "accidents" and then ended up happy as clams with being parents. Perhaps it is just my fear of the unknown that is causing my veritable aversion to producing offspring. I don't know. It just seems like one huge Risk. A living, breathing Risk that pees and poops and cries, and yes is also cute. But is something new to worry about, because, I am like my dog, Nikki, who worries a bone like nobody's business.
All I know for sure is that 31 is just around the corner, and I can see 40 in the distance. Yuck.
Take your time having a baby.
ReplyDeleteI was 35 when I got pregnant & 36 when he was born.
I was worried & apprehensive but he is perfectly fine as most babies born to women in their 30's are.
oh how i can relate...at a recent family gathering i was asked if i was "eating for two yet".
ReplyDeletegeez! i haven't even been married for a year yet! let me live in peace!