Thursday, January 24, 2008

Female Hormonal Mumbo -Jumbo and Mental Self-Flagellation

Couple things.

First off, (note if you are a dude or dudette, for that matter, who doesn't care to read about female hormonal changes, please skip past this section) I am seeing some changes since x-naying the pill. This might be TMI (too much info), but here goes. The nips are borderline sore - like super-sensitive, like brush past it and almost say "ow". What is that all about? I think I definitely ovulated (possibly more than once) because I had the usual lower-belly minor cramping and new (well, not new, just not seen in years), quite viscous substances exiting the body. The one good thing - that I am not sure but may be attributed to the pill's absence - is a reduced appetite. I don't seem to be scarfing down food as much. I am small, so I should be keeping to around 1400-1500 calories a day. It was pure torture keeping to that last year (I generally failed), but the last couple weeks or so, it's been easier, to the point where I hardly notice. Weird.

End of female nastiness.

Secondly, I am seeing some teaching insecurity creeping back into my psyche. Not ideal. Recently, I started the daunting task of teaching the classes of a newly departed popular teacher (who has 10+ years teaching experience to my 2). The first two weeks went swimmingly, but then this week, numbers dropped significantly. The old teacher is now teaching the same time slots elsewhere, so I am feeling this like "I suckiness" thinking that a chunk of folks have departed to go with the former teacher (which I can't even confirm - for all I know, the rain this week deterred attendance). Detachment, I know, I know. But it's hard! It's hard to tell your mind to "stop it", and "you don't suck", and "there are a bajillion reasons why this week was slow", etc. So I am working on not becoming attached to the outcome. My techniques in teaching have improved - I know they have. So I just have to keep it up and hope that it translates to people liking the class and coming!

Why do we consistently beat ourselves up? Striving for unattainable "perfection" (that is probably not truly perfection, just some "image" we desire ourselves to be. ).

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