Who Writes This Crap?
No, I’m not referring to this blog, though I have often asked myself that of my own drivel.
Sometimes one finds themselves wanton of reading material in the loo, that someone being myself. I have read anything from something normal like a magazine, to the wrapper of a spare roll of toilet paper.
I found myself in such a conundrum recently, actually this morning, and grabbed the clay face mask sitting on the counter.
I like this face mask – smells nice, does a good job soaking up the oil that loves my face (thanks, Papa, for those love acne genes). I started reading the back of it:
“Superfruits provides antioxidant rich skincare to help combat the effects of stress, the environment and your fun, not-so-healthy lifestyle.”
First of all, you need a damn comma after “environment”.
Secondly, “not-so-healthy” lifestyle? Really? I must have to use your mask because I am a chain-smoking, binge-drinking, sedentary slob who eats like shit.
I have no idea why this face mask offended me so much. Granted I was dog-tired this morning from yesterday’s half-marathon, and then walk running 6 more miles off my friend’s marathon in 80 degrees (so 19 miles, total), combined with the fact that I never eat fast-food, hardly ever eat pre-packaged/frozen meals, and eat red meat maybe once a month. Really, I eat meat/poultry maybe one night a week. So, I was kind of miffed at whoever presumptuous person they got to write this product description. Because you know how I live my life? Screw your mask! I challenge you to a duel! I’ll outrun your ass!
Speaking or running, I had yet another failed attempt to run a sub 1:50 half at PCRF this weekend. Sarah Soon-To-Be was there, too, untrained, nearly beat my trained ass, and has way better pics of the event (acutally, I have none. Zero pics since I don’t do the self-portrait and was flying solo for this shindig). I have managed sub 1:50 three times since November (1:47:18, 1:48:47, and 1:48:31). Yet since mid-February, the half marathon has been Nelson-ing me with “Ha-ha” the last 3 attempts I’ve made.
This last race irked me because I was tricked by the course – lulled into a false sense of security until mile 7-ish when we started climbing. We had been gently descending the first half and I was ticking off fast miles (7:46, 7:58, 8:04, 8:16, 8:02, etc) thinking to myself – 1:48 or better is so happening! It’s Carlsbad all over again! This heat has nothing on me! But way in the back of my head, I was thinking: this seems like it might be kind of downhill-ish; shouldn’t you slow down, conserve a bit? Front of my mind: Eh, it’s fun to run stupidly faster than you should!
I had looked for an elevation chart on the website on Friday and there was nothing of the sort to be found. Interestingly enough. So I somewhat unknowingly failed to make arrangements to reserve some energy in the tank for the climb back up. This course was not even remotely as hard as Safari Park, but I was aware of the climbs on that one. I didn’t clock any sub-8 miles before the hills on that race. Oh well. Finish time was 1:52:10. 6th in my age group, 30th female. At least my placement stats looks nice-ish.
Next one is Laguna Hills and I have no delusions on grandeur on that one. That is a hilly mofo of a course. I’m doing it because (a) it’s cheap, (b) it’s only 35-40 minutes away, (c) it’s a Monday and I’ve never run a Monday race, (d) I get the additional “I Ran a Marathon In May” bling. And I am a hooker for race bling.
This morning I also registered for Hobble Creek Half Marathon in Springville, Utah on August 20th. It is already sold out (registration opened this morning and sold out at some point today). It is an all downhill course – fastest in Utah. I’ve decided for that race I’m going to do it up right, proper with a training plan, complete with back-down mileage weeks, tempo/speedwork, slower and longer weekend runs, etc, starting the week after Laguna Hills. I am going to put that race in my pipe and smoke it!