Faulty Verbal Filter

Stupid things said this weekend both out loud and in my head:

“I thought you were a woman.”

“Please don’t shit on me.”

Not surprisingly enough, both said in the context of running.

I was finishing up 8 miles this morning (after yesterday’s race – more on that later) – at a gingerly pace of 9:07 – a flock of birds flew overhead and I was brought back to when I was 8 years old standing outside in my catholic school uniform and felt something hot land on my shoulder. Hot Pigeon Poo. I swear that shit was on fire. As the 10+ seagulls or pigeons flew over this morning as I ran, I couldn’t help saying a silent prayer of “please don’t shit on me.” Because it would be no fun buying bathroom mirror removal tools at harbor freight tools and then driving 15 minutes home, sweaty and tired from my run with stinky caustic bird crap in my hair.

On Saturday, I decided to take advantage of my open weekend (scheduling was such that I am not teaching yoga until November 13) and run a Saturday race. That coupled with the prospect of placing in my age group and getting a medal and I was sold. Even if that medal was like taking candy from a baby.

My legs were rested enough to handle a 5-mile race (which I haven’t done since the Summer Solstice Watermelon Run in Long Beach circa 2003 – when I was two age groups younger [sigh]. Finished 41:37, I think). It would also give me an idea of what time to shoot for in my city’s upcoming Turkey Trot (of which I have only missed the inaugural year because I was stuck in Real Estate Hell Inland Empire).

I drove 60 minutes north to the 56th Annual Distance Derby and found quite a nice little race. Seriously, the more I do the smaller races the more I hate the bigger ones. I got more swag - random swag  like Boil in a Bag rice and automative rubber/vinyl spray protectant (odd race goodies right?) – but a package of Clif Bloks was very awesome. And it was chip timed and I didn’t even need it. The 5-mile was half the size of the 10 mile; all the fast runners did the 10 and the less intense runners did the 5. It was the first time I have run a race, in adulthood, where I could count the women ahead of me during the race. I was 5th for the first half, then got passed by a runner that I had no chance of beating (hello, go out too fast much? Yeah. 7:26 first mile. Too fast). I was passed once more, but I so could have beaten her. I just doubted myself. She finished 6 seconds ahead. I finished as the 7th woman and I knew my place the entire time which was weird for me. I’m never that far up in the field even in a small race.

About 20 yards to the finish, this guy started yelling to someone behind me “Go! Go get her!” All I could think was that it was another chick and “Hell NO!!!” I was not getting passed by another female. I was shocked at the kick I had left (which is why I think I could have beaten the other chick). I finished and looked to my left and there was this dude who told me: “Nice kick!” And me, with my foot permanently implanted in my mouth, replied: “I thought you were a woman.”

Wouldn’t have “Thanks!” been a good enough response? Verbal diarrhea is what it is. He looked at me like I had just told him Betty White is a hot piece of ass. I then had to explain that, “I was more concerned with another chick passing me than a guy” which seemed to smooth things over a bit and he then asked me what time we came in. So I felt less like an awkward butthole.

My time was 39:06 – more than 2 minutes faster than when I was at my fastest after San Diego Rock n Roll Marathon in 2003. Sweeeeet. First in my age group – though I have to say that this 1st was less triumphant than the 3rd I got 6 months ago at a 5k in Irvine. I am faster now but I feel like I worked harder for that 3rd. This felt too easy  – the 2nd place person was 44+ minutes. The 3rd place finish in February I just barely beat out #4 by 10 seconds or so.

On the  craft and home front, I have finished another cowl neck scarf and just about finished a pair of legwarmers (I need to scare up a couple buttons to finish them off). I am seriously considering selling some of these things, they are turning out cute! The cowls on Etsy are a bit high on the price but the materials cost nothing and I like doing it. So, maybe my low prices (that’s a low price!) will get me some sales.

The Huz and his buddy removed the bathroom mirror and it went off without a hitch thanks to the suction cup glass holder things. I wasted $25 on windshield removal kit since I had read it was useful in removing large wall mounted mirrors. Lesson learned. We also had to replace our shower head this weekend too since the old one decided to spring a leak and spray the entire bathroom on Monday. I decided that since that master bath is going to get an overhaul (it’s next in line) I would just get a cheap one at the place I hate to love, Walmart. They converted our stores to Supercenters so it’s even more of a draw now. We have three Supercenter Walmarts in our city. Might as well be a monopoly at this point.

Gotta go make coffee now – I finished up this post in the AM and it’s still dark out (hate this shortening of the days – boooo). And what’s with all this rain in October? I’ll take it over a crazy forest fire, but it’s still kinda weird.


  1. nice job on the race speedy!
    you should etsy... i saw those round scarf things (cowlneck?) at nordstrom rack for over $30! and they were super plain, just like a scarf sewed in a circle.


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