Friday, August 10, 2007

Let's Try This Again

As far as unfinished projects and false-starts go, I think blogging is my worst offender. No doubt. Honestly, I have created entirely too many retarded-fewer-than-10-post blogs. I think I might be up to 4 - this will be number 4 and maybe I can try to make myself actually write to it even though, let's face it, few people will be reading it.

Anyway. So, the title. Might as well start there.

I type fast. Seriously. It never occurred to me that I did, until co-workers started mentioning it, and apparently, if I am in a particularly frisky typing-mood it can get a little loud (read: annoying to some). So, my then-cube-neighbor cleverly coined me as "Thunderfingers". So here I am. Sounded like a good blog name and is somewhat computer-internet-related, leading into blogging, yada yada.

I know, not all that creative nor is the really connected to blogging, but honestly, I don't have the mental patience to conjure up something better, I just wanna blog - OK?

Henceforth we shall forge ahead to more useless drivel!

1. My Horrible Mop

I have been in search for a good floor cleaning implement. Got any good recommendations? I have yet to find it. I bought this piece of crap at Wal-Mart (I know, why do I go to Walmart, really, it's out of convenience not principle) a few weeks ago hoping that I found the answer. Nope. Completely sucks. I have red-irritated palms to prove it because it can't clean a floor for shit! I had to use excessive force to get anything out of the grout - because just mopping with normal pressure resulted in the grout looking just as icky as it did before.

2. Foxtails: Why to they exist (and why are they called "Foxtails")?

Reasons I have come up with include: (a) to provide a recurring source of revenue that flows from my wallet directly into the bank accounts of North County vets, (b) to burrough their way into the orifices of canines causing said canines to scratch and wedge them deeper, or (c) to piss me off.

Yesterday marks foxtail #2 extracted from Nikki, the fearless Mini Aussie. This one was all the down into the bellows of her right ear canal. The last one was wedged into the skin on her ribcage. Total spent in last two months on foxtail extraction? $197.50. Does she care? Nope, she just goes right back out there, and barks some more at the neighbor's dog. I need to put that bitch to work, pay off her debts! This year has been a pricey one for Miss Nikki. First she was a fatty (I didn't realize I was overfeeding her, she's my cutie! hope I don't do this to my children if and when I have them) - found that out via vet visit for daily grass-eating-puking episodes (apparently stemming from he fact that she was carrying around 20% extra Nikki). She has lost a total of 6 pounds (down from 32!) and that ordeal probably cost something around $300. Add the foxtails in and she is one high-maintenance chick! Good thing she is too stinkin' cute.

3. YMCA hiring process = complete overkill

I mean really. Fingerprinting? Training on how to prevent child abuse? I only want to sub some yoga classes for adults for crimeny's sake. I mean I understand there are alot of children that belong to the Y and all that, but I still think it's a little much (of course, this is my opinion, and as all people with basic common sense should know, opinions should be taken with a grain of salt!)

4. The attack of Adult Female Chin Acne

This is getting to a problem. I'm less than a year from 30 and I have acne worse than when I was a teenager. My chin is in perpetual breakout - has been like this since the middle of July. What gives? I am on a zinc thing now b/c supposedly it is good for cystic acne and other acne, but I don't know, man. I am not feeling like doing the Accutane thing again.

5. Continual Vascillation on the "Next Home Improvement Project"

So, the situation with the Mop has direct impact on my home improvement plans. Why? My stupidly light-colored tile floor with light colored grout. Why? WHHHYYYYYYYY do people choose such an impossible color for a floor??! If you have dogs or children for that matter, you will be agreeing with me. I mean, if I was, oh I don't know... a masochist! I would choose it. I feel like I have to mop SEVERAL times a week to keep this shit looking clean and that is just too much for me. I like something I can mop once or twice a month. Vacuum and sweep weekly, ok fine, but mopping all the time is too time-consuming, back-aching. So, thus the vascillation. We want a pool, but I have disdain for my kitchen, and hatred towards my floor. It pains me. So, pool or new kitchen and floor? I don't know. But one day I might snap because of this floor and the demo is going to be on!

6. AND (I almost forgot) The Kayaking Jews!

Lloyd and I think this should be the name of a song - doesn't that sound like a song you might listen to? No? Anyway, why the kayaking and why are they Jewish. Well, we went kayaking in La Jolla with our Texan pals last weekend and as we were waiting for our tour dude and tour to start, I saw some other dudes walking across the street to the convenience store with kipas and tzitzi's and I thought to myself "I wonder if they will be kayaking with us - they'll be the Kayaking Jews!" Turns out they were - and fairly good at kayaking I must say. We literally got stuck to one of them in our kayaks while we were in a holding pattern waiting for the others to arrive at the meeting point out in the ocean; e struck up conversion, asked if we were from out of town. We replied we weren't and asked where he was from - surprise! Brooklyn. Lloyd gestures to me saying that I went to the "well-known university on the upper-west side of Manhattan". This meant nothing to him apparently, and decided he was done with the small talk. We thought this was strange - start up conversation and just clam up? But anyway, I digress. Hopefully anyone reading this doesn't think I am some kind of anti-semite - I am not! I am completely equal-rights about making fun of all people including myself! the Kayaking Catholic! The Kayaking Yogi! Hubby is the Kayaking Episcopalian/Presbeterian!

All-in-all it was very fun - by golly, I will kayak again!

My parting gift, a haiku for you:

the mop is a fuck

it mocks my attemps to clean

i scream at my tile

No comments:

Post a Comment